August 13th, 1997, to April 1st, 1998. The mailing list: The funny bits.

Problems with Justin's 18th were:
WzDD            1. Various people thinking I was drunk when I was just being myself
Pumpernickel    happens all the time here as well )
Balial          Not here, people just know I'm weird. The only difference when I'm drunk
                is that I'm more affectionate to nichola and I puke more.
WzDD            Yeah, although Nikola says he was disappoined to report that you didn't
                actually try to shag him.
                You weren't drunk enough by half :)

Balial          Look, no matter which way you look at it the blender is not 'chopping' or
                'cutting' the ice, it is bashing it to pieces. It does no by any means make
                a clean incision and the action of bashing it at a high velocity with a
                rotating chunk of metal is basically the same as hitting it with a hammer,
                except that it operates on a smaller area but at a faster time. Really, if
                I gave you the pepsi challenge I bet you couldn't tell the difference in
                the ice if it was chopped, sawed, smashed or jizzed on.

Balial          Words are classy. You need them. You're saying that
                "Closer" has bad lyrics?
WzDD            They're really profound. Sex AND God! :)

WzDD            They call me Quick-mouse Nick. Well, they don't. But they should, dammit.)
haqr spice      I think we SHOULD call Nick 'Quick-Mouse' Nick.
/r              Watch Quick-mouse Nick, as he makes the largest of rodents quickly disappear!

Pumpernickel    i'm sorri, it's just vaguely amusing to watch michael get offended so easily.
Mouk            I am not offended in the slightest. I treat your stupidity with indifference :)

Balial          The longer the title, the less important the job.
haqr_spice      Is that why your dick gets called "The Almighty Omnipotent Messiah of
                Penii, Lord of the Dark Crevice, Emperor of the Orifices," and no-one
                wants to suck it!!??!!

The definitive "get a mac" argument:
DocVin          I don't know what the hell you're going on about, but I'm sure it'd be
                easier on a mac. So get one. Settled? Good.

haqr_spice      Bal, you're wrong, though, Cooties can play pool, just he loses the
                ability the more drunk he gets. And morning afters he is a shocker.
                PLus there are too many cocks in my maths book.
WzDD            There's a cock in my Indo book too. I don't know how it got there though -
                unless I draw them unconsciously.
Pumpernickel    do you know what? after reading all these emails and talk about lovely
                drawings you all seem to have in your text books, i'm really glad that i'm a
                girl :)

haqr_spice      PS: I never watch hey hey, its too mainstream

Balial          PPS. How can american music possibly be better than Australian music
                considering we have the likes of Midnight Oil?
Pumpernickel    because midnight oil sucks? ooh, look at me, i'm balding, so i'll pretend
                that i care abou tmy country and moan about hte lack of rain.

Pumpernickel    do you know how hard it is to be depressed when you have a monkey in your
                pocket? especially when its fritz, who is particularly cute.
Balial          Bah. Just get a morbid fascination with cocks. That way when someone shits
                you, you can just grose them out and people will avoid you when you are
                angry because you can't stop talking about fucking sheep. Trust me, it
                works :)

Balial          Windows 3.1 vs OS/2 = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson
DocVin          Yum yum, tastes like plastic.

Balial          Yes, recursive brackets (from a gramatical point of view (and when used
                correctly) are acceptable, butt it (often) gets difficults when someone
                tries something kewl (like a smiley face :))).

Pumpernickel    if you expect me to be opening files with names such as "erection"
                "bartmarge_oedipus" and "lisabart_oral" you are not a human, only a shaved
                monkey pretending to be human (on acid of course)

DocVin          Actually, I wouldn't particularly want to do Genetic Engineering- you would
                be too restricted by politics and stupid people stopping you doing things
                like making three-legged chickens, cows which produce chocolate milk,
                viruses which only kill annoying people, and a master warrior race which
                will take over the world.
                Unless of course, you strike out on your own. I could get me one of them
                disused Mad Scientist type laboratories, grow cool hair, and snigger a lot.
                Unfortunately, once you start doing that it's only a matter of time before
                some big guy with perfect hair and teeth comes along after you kidnap his
                girlfriend or something, and kills you in a poetically just way. I hate it.

Balial          I still don't belive you (was is sasha and jamesw?) that some dinosaurs had 
                2 brains. If the front one wants to walk and the back one doesn't, wouldn't it
                tear itself in two? 
WzDD            Hehe. I see a new theory for dinosaur extincion coming on. Back brain 

DocVin          ever tried getting head from a beer can? Woo! Check out the triple meaning.
                What I mean is, have you ever received oral sex from a beer can?
                Don't answer that one either.

benno            Oh hallowed halloween. Stupid American tradition that it is. But despite
                this I still seem able to enjoy it every year. This year my score is 5
                soaking wet children. Pretty good really.

DocVin          2DAY FM is the worst, partly because it's really crap, and partly because the
                signal's so strong here the microwave sometimes picks it up.
WzDD            Classy. Does this mean you get a singing microwave? Or does your food get
                cooked without needing to turn it on?
DocVin          Yes. I mean no.

DocVin          I ran my Curry page through into French and back. Most of it was pretty as
                original, though, so here's some edited highlights
                "New! The Sweeping Of Curry! Say to me about your practices to eat curry,
                and I will laugh under cape with them. "
                Hehehe. ( /me laughs under cape. )

haqr_spice      Look, my neighbor has a pentium 233 mmx with a 4 gb disk, a 540 mb disk, 
                a 2gb scsi, 2x 1 gb scsi disks, a 24x cdrom, a cdr drive, a 24bpp 
                scanner, awe64 with the funky loudspeakers, and a direct line to the† 
                net through his work.†† Plus a† modem† for anything else.
/r              I bet he has a small willy.

WzDD            So please, respect my decision and my reasons and stop hassling me about
                it, it just annoys me.
/r              Three simple words Nick - "I am gay."
                Oh wait, you were talking about a web page. Sheesh. :)

WzDD            It calls you "user" all the time. :(
/r              Well, it's close, give or take an 'L'. ;)
haqr_spice      what kinda name is 'userl', anyhoo?

Balial          Copyrite 1998, Balial's Stupid Plays on words.
DocVin          Crap. I think I owe you royalties now.
                You can have Prince Phillip and the King of Thailand.
                Copyrite 1998, Doc Vin's Even Stupider Plays on words.
WzDD            NI! 
                Copyright 1998, Nicholas' Badly Timed Python Quotes.
                Q Do you prefer doggie or missionary?
                A Neither - I'm vegetarian.
                -Alex Mesker
Ro0sta          Ha ha, as if you would be.
                Copyrite 1998, Richard's Stupid responses to stupid vegetarians.
WzDD            Get a life, you stupid unshaven tool.
                Copyright 1998, Nicholas' Lousy Generic Insults.
benno           This is a really stupid thread
                Copyrite 1998, Ben's Stating the Bloody the Obvious Again
WzDD            Well DER!
                Copyright 1998, 101 Things To Say At School (Nicholas F-D)
Balial          This is the poxiest thread ever, and I can't believe I started it.
                Copyright 1937, Balial Wants back in on some poxy thread, Inc.
DocVIn          Thread my butt!
                Copyrite 1998, Hugh's Replies Guarunteed to Start Even Stupider Threads

Mouk            The best commercial I think I have *ever* seen is the one for the Men's
                Health magazine which is currently running in the cinemas...
                It is all about how men must "affirm their penis everyday" - it is so
                utterly classy, I must have seen it fifty times, and it still has me laughing...
Balial          All those with a phallic obsession, raise your... er... left hand.

Mouk            Ummmm.... Tori Spelling is so fine? I don't think so. She is attractive
                only in a Mcdonalds-type plasticy, artificial, rich way.
WzDD            Are you insinuating Ronald McDonald isn't the sexiest man alive?
EtEE            I think he is, Nick.
                Red hot poker time again.
!!              Are you kidding? Ooh...Ronald Mc Donald sends shivers down my spine...That
                red hair, those designer label clothes, and the BOOTS...*shudder* Brad Pitt
                eat your heart out!

Balial          Delete 'em all and let Norton sort 'em out! 

Mouk            You also have a strange phobia of conversations with the
                letter 'q'. I therefore find your blatant usage of the word 'question' quite
WzDD            That quote is quite queer (if not quintissentially quixotic), and I hope
                this quibbling quarrel can be quashed with all speed.
Mouk            ....with quivering quickness.
WzDD            Basically, I think you're talking quap.
Mouk            Moderate ROFL..

!!              Jail = see gaol =American
                Gaol (gay(h)ole) = a prison= English
WzDD            Gay hole? Where the hell did you get that one from?
Balial          God?

Mouk            Errr... no. Jail is just as acceptable as gaol.
DocVin          Yes, but since when does acceptable mean right? People are stupid and
                deserve to die.

Balial          Apart from that, [Uni of] Sydney has such a fetish for grass they made it 
                grow up all the walls.

/r              I have no legs.
benno           What ?
/r              I have no legs.

Marauder        [no threads please]
DocVIn          We're nudists?
                PS. It made sense to me.

benno           I've got a much better idea... UNSW vs. UTS.† UNSW is bettter coz there are
                less fags
DocVin          Fewer fags. Jerk.
WzDD            Oh, no, "less fags" is an Americanism that is now widely accepted into
                Australian English :)
Balial          No, what he meant was that the fags at UNSW are of lesser quality than
                those at UTS.

/r              ....Dad!"
/r              I'd now like to sing a song called, "Sure, they're not much, but breasts on
                a man must mean something...

benno           I got sent this extremely strange e-mail. If anyone knows spanish can they
                please explain what it is about and why someone sent it to me... from
                >"Porque hay un solo Dios, y un solo Mediador entre Dios y los hombres,
                >JESUCRISTO hombre". (I Timoteo 25)
WzDD            1. Be like God and Jesus Christ, host your web site FROM ONLY $9.95 A
                2. DIVINE SEXXX with our HEAVENLY GIRLS 1800-HOT-SEXXX
                3. Preach to MILLIONS with our PERSONALISED SPAMMING SYSTEMS FROM $0.005
                AN EMAIL ADDRESS
Mouk            4. This is NOT illegal. You can make money fast with Jesus Christ. 52 odds
                of making a million dios in one month.

Balial          Would it interest you to know I have 37 legs?
!!              *ponders the thought of 37 legs*
/r              Yeah, imagine having 36 groins.† Although, that would depend on the way
                your legs were arranged.
                Wonder if you could have 18 of each gender. That'd be fun.† Especially if
                all your female bits were out of synch with each other.† That'd suck.
                You could make a fair bit of money doing porn movies.
DocVin          And doing the hokey pokey would take _ages_...
Judd            Hugh... You need a lot of help... Considering you're an acquaintance of mine, 
                my Mum (a psychologist and a registered hypnotherapist) will probably be 
                willing to give you a reasonable deal...
Ducky           sorry, Judd, it won't work... I mean, Hugh's mum is a dietician...

Balial          You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? 
                Just run up and kick her in the butt. 
                (P.S. This also works with men.)

one_inch        When did Cockramer start making friends?
DocVin          Ever since he found five old toilet paper rolls, some cellophane, two
                rubber bands, one old egg carton, and some paste.

DocVin          Next big question How can I take off my underpants without taking off my
Balial          Easy, I've done that before.
DocVin          I find it difficult to beleive you could do ANYTHING without taking off
                your pants.

Mouk            The implication of "without opening it" is that it has not been opened.
WzDD            No it isn't.
Mouk            Oh I see what you are doing... You are taking an ambiguous aspect of
                "without opening it" and not looking at both possibilities. Look harder.
DocVin          Good argument.
                Nick comes up to Michael with a stone.
                Nick Hey, look at this, Michael. It's a rock.
                Michael No it isn't.
                Nick Yeah, look. It's a rock. You can wind a piece of string around it. (
                Winds piece of string around it ). I think it's sandstone.
                Michael No it isn't. It isn't a vibrational motion relying on the shifting
                of an object's centre of gravity around some pivot more-or-less directly
                underneath its equilibrium position. You implied that it was, and it isn't.
                Nick No, I just said it was a rock. And it is.
                Michael Oh I see what you are doing... You are taking an ambigous aspect
                of "rock" and not looking at both possibilities. Look harder.
                ( Michael is killed by a stampede of goats )

Mouk            If I were to say "I want YOU to star in a new porno movie titled 'Tarzan
                Comes to Town' which involves 7 virginal penguins, a flute and a tin of
                gooseliver pate" I would in fact be implying that I want Mozzie to star in
                the said movie.
Marauder        Been there, done that.

benno           Wlll seince I just got home from uni and it is now1219 in the omrining
                and I am reallyh pissed and if any of this aculally raeads it will be
                fucking amazing, but anyway uni is so cool, Toniute I s[ent 3.99 and got
                so pissed it isnot gunny and I still got a free fein cioiker thing from
                stringbow I LOVE UNI... oiy roks manjI† gope that sine of tiy can work
                out what the fuck I am trying to say here cause i thinm I propbaboy
                misser d most of the lkeus pU was truing yp joy/.† NBut you get the
                idea,.††††††† Unbi fucking tocks man it is the nbvest thing since... ymn
                snbce .. well school.... Iy is fuckin mad... welll I'll see you'akk
                kater.. One raealyy pissed bastaed†† enN
Marauder        *hic*

Marauder        666 F -- Oven temperature for roast Beast
                Farenheit 666 -- Ignition temperature of the Beast (Or Sci-fi classic of
                the Beast)
Mouk            Does anyone else find the fact that the 'oven' and 'ignition' temperatures
                of the beast are the same?
WzDD            Haven't you heard of beast flambe?
Marauder        Yeah... i think he was at our orientation camp.
Judd            I am the beast flambe...

Nikola          Compadres! It is imperative that we smash the freedom fighters before
                the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for
                the man who brings me head of General Montoya...........Of course by
                that I mean how's uni?
Mouk            They say uni brings out the best in you -)

Pumpernickel    why do you persist?† why do you bother?† we know that (well, i know) that
                nothing ever gets resolved reagarding this thread?
Balial          'coz macs suck, dammit! And we always resolve to one thing (or maybe two,
                or a few more). eg. Hugh's gay, nick's a vego and I have a big cock.

Pumpernickel    and i'm a stupid dodgy asian girl, and I've managed to figure it out.
Mouk            Oh is she Asian? I always thought Jee was a Scottish name.
haqr_spice      And I'm part Irish, and part Canadian. Top o' the mornin' to ye, yer
                spritely banshee.
DocVin          And I'm half German, half Scottish. That's why I only drink other people's beer.

DocVin          Aw crap. St. Patrick's day is nearly over, and I didn't even get an Irish
                ( That's a Guiness with a potato in it, for the unenlightened. )
                1/64th Irish people like me deserve better.
                NB For the next 364 days, I will not admit to the Irish blood.

one_inch        You will notice i included Nadia [on a birthday invite]
                Ha ha.
Pumpernickel    Ho ho. This is very funny, yes?
Mouk            Ahhh... she really is Asian. I thought you guys were joking before.

one_inch        wow a whole reply with no smut, what an acheivement
Balial          Fuck you, dirty faggot.
                Did I make up for it?
Pumpernickel    no, you didn't mention sodomy once.† Or the size of your cock.
Balial          Screw you, hippy. Why don't you stop dressing me up like the mail man, and
                making me dance for you, while you smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex
                with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed.
                PS. Sodomy
                PPS. I have a big cock.

Balial          I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not
haqr_spice      No you can't, Mr Balial.† Nobody can!

beaver_sj       ?????
haqr_spice      Stupid beaver. Go build a dam or something.