funny2.txt - Early September '98 to May 6th, '99
(this is best viewed using tab stops of 8 characters)

Nadia   More importantly, I had a fitting for my dress tonight, and when I
    bow at the end of it all, I'm convinced my bassist is going to be
    able to see what colour underwear I'm wearing. 
jamesw  One way or another, the bassist is always going to find out what
    colour your underwear is.  Phwoar.
wzdd    I don't know why you're worried about the bassist. a) He won't look
    at you, because if you're a bassist and you don't look at the floor
    all the time you're not cool. b) Even if he's an uncool loser-type
    bassist (maybe he lives in Perth :) he still won't see you because
    off the mass of hair that he'll have hanging over his face.
    Short-haired, alert-looking bassists are like thin chefs :)
jamesw  You see, the bassist gets everyone :) 
Nadia   Only because the keyboardist is old and has a greasy ponytail and
    the drummer is a girl :)
jamesw  Really?  Our drummer is a button on the keyboard :)

Catie   What we were discussing in the common room is what problems having
    two heads and brains would occur... I mean, imagine having to ask
    the other not to look during a night of hot passionate sex with a
    guy? Hmmm...
/r  I'm having difficulty typing just imagining that bedroom scene.
Catie   Another weird thing is that one head knows exactly what the other
    head is thinking too, which is kinda spooky, I reckon!
jamesw  Yeah... "Fuck you" "No, fuck you" "No, fuck you"... sibling rivaly
    at its best.  Imagine when they get a bit older, and one of them
    'borrows' the other's lipstick.  They'd tear each other's heads off. 
    Maybe that pun was better left out.  
    Hey, imagine they queues they could jump... "Don't worry, she's with

/r  but, hell, nothing like a good screwing to get the blood pumping.
Balial  Speaking of which, in elec eng lecture this morn the lecturer sed
    something about "And we all know well what a fully rectified
    waveform looks like, don't we?" and I go to jamesw "yeah, your mum"
    and she goes "it has 2 humps".
        Well it was funny at the time.

doc "You've got to fight for your white chapati." 
        - Another stupid pun waiting for the right situation.
        ( This is why I've started hanging out in Indian bakeries )

sedmons Berr, sorry. I've had a few
/r  Hahaha. :)

jamesw  You leave the house, wait for the train, ride it for an hour, get
    off, go through the gate, and then realise that your jeans are
    feeling a little bit looser than usual?  You then check your fly and
    realise you've been walking around at half mast since you put your
    pants on.
/r  One thing I can think of that is stupider than wandering about for
    an hour or so in public with your dick hanging out of your jeans, is
    telling everyone about it afterwards.
    Nice work. :)

justin  Ummm well to all those who went to stephs little do, i believe i
    acted like a total dick and numerous occasions.  If i managed to
    offend you or whatever then i am very sorry, but iwould like to make
    2 points, 1)never tickle me, particularly when you've just tied my
    shoelaces together, my whole body convulses when i get tickle, and
    i'm likely to break something.  2)if someone is listening to a song,
    and it seems they are enjoying this song, then unless you have a
    fucking good reason, do not touch the fuckin stereo.  Thats about it
    from me, again humblest apologies.

jamesw  A list of all the great and exciting things that happened at Stephs:
    1) Jamie got really pissed.
/r  Everyone got drunk and laughed like pirates.
    Oh, and Kath kept taking her jeans off.
Kath    So I had another pair on underneath
    (I hope)
JD  yeh, that's just what we keep telling you:)

/r  "I fuck dogs."
Judd    that's encouraging... according to that diagram, i fuck newman...
/r  Didn't everyone fuck Newman at some stage or another?  I remember
    many a class at school when Newman would stand at the door and as
    everyone walked in they would give him a quick rogering.  Hang on. 
    I assume you're talking about Andrew Newman.  Not, say, the fat guy
    on Seinfeld. Or that actor guy on the salad dressing bottles. 
    Because that would just be tasteless.  (and we don't do tasteless
    material) Actually, I guess blow up animals are made of a tasteless
    material, and I know for certain that a number of people do them. 
    Take Chuck, for instance.  And after you've taken him, ask him if he
    can explain why his blow-up pets are always looking so worn out and
    tired, with cigarette stains on their lips from so many post-coital
    Speaking of post-coital fags...

nikola  Macquarie Uni is having its annual Conception Day this Friday 
wzdd    Does anyone else have a problem with the notion of an "*annual*
    conception day?" It sounds like the Smurfs. Or Smurfette anyway. Or
    maybe I should go to bed :)

nadia   Becoming old really scares me, I mean, when do you wake up and
    realise that your breasts are hanging around your knees?
/r  In the morning?

benl    You got to love nerdy flames. This beauty came from
    Did not you have some active neurons on line not long ago?
    Stupid nerds ;->

judd    Ummm... I went and painted my finger nails and toe nails glittery
    purple... And, I'm considering getting dark purple tips in my hair...
mouk    But that isn't insanity. It's just repressed homosexuality. It's
    nothing to worry about Daniel.
    PS Michael skillfully dodges the fact that he put a red rinse in his
    hair the other week :)

mouk    What starts with C? Cookie starts with C. Mooo mooo (robin
    contributed this bit)... cause he is a goose (honk honk).  I
    apparently have a 'nice' sounding keyboard. THis is because it is
    /<-Rad Warez and cool. I have just been told that I am a 'loser'.
    Apparently Carly needs a good grope. Steven said so. So it must be
    true. <insert giggle hear> Apparently this should confuse people. 
    Steven says he was kidding wih the 'loser' bit - he was just seeing
    if I would type it or not. Apparently I would.  Someone is in pain
    upstairs. Poor person. "Michael is now going top end hiss email
    before we kill him" - Steven. <insert gratuitolous 'oooogh' here
    from carly> Carlly thinks you are now going to think I am strange. 
    But fear not my celubrious buddies, for I am not strange; I am just
    an original. and totally shit faced, says steven. Spot the iron y
    though guys, cause I always whinge when you write emails when drunk;
    steven thinks you won't read this, but I know you will, cause none
    of you guys have lives. Steven is losing interest so I had better
    PS Hugs and kisses and oral pleasures (that last one was steven's
    scontribution; incidentally you can reach him on: <number
    censored>.) They laughed when I typed this number, so it must be the
    number of someone funny <tee hee>
jamesw  I like Ben's drunken emails better.

/r  from a conversation I had with him this evening:
    Mouk - Instant Message 00:33:12
    You can alsways come over and suck on my cock.

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:33:54
    You don't have to swallow, you know.

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:35:21
    Why don't you just masturbate yourself as I type seductively
    through icq. :-p 

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:51:21
    That offer from before is still valid, you know.

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:54:46
    Well looks like you missed your chance, sasha. Another friend has
    just taken me up on the offer, and she is more attractive
    than you, anyway :-p

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:55:38
    No. She is masturbating while I type seducitvely.

Mouk    Including Sasha's messages :-)

    dinn - Instant Message 00:32:35
    Hi. :) Im lonely and I'm after some sweet action.

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:33:12
    You can alsways come over and suck on my cock.

    dinn - Instant Message 00:33:31
    i had in mind some cheap wine and a female goat.

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:33:54
    You don't have to swallow, you know.

    dinn - Instant Message 00:34:27
    but then I don't have to taste it

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:35:21
    Why don't you just masturbate yourself as I type seductively
    through icq. :-p 

    dinn - Instant Message 00:36:35
    yeh okay

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:51:21
    That offer from before is still valid, you know.

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:54:46
    Well looks like you missed your chance, sasha. Another friend has
    just taken me up on the offer, and she is more attractive
    than you, anyway :-p

    dinn - Instant Message 00:55:17
    what?? she brought cheap wine and a goat?

    Mouk - Instant Message 00:55:38
    No. She is masturbating while I type seducitvely.

    Hell it seemed much seedier at the time.

Nikola  What's happened to the ton of emails that usually moves around here? 
    Has everyone mysteriously died or just found better things to do
    with their lives?
!!  No, please, please don't say that. You'll get them all started!!! My
    mailbox is enjoying a little holiday at the moment. Please don't
    spoil it!
mouk    Some of you people are so anal. 
mouk    You complain when you get too much email, you complain when you get
    too little. You write crap if people write short replies, you crap
    on people when they write verbose retorts; you whinge when an
    argument starts, you whine when a thread dies. You make cheap,
    juvenile jokes when people are being serious, and you bite heads off
    when people are light-hearted (I'm expecting someone to make a
    comment about the word anal in my first line, and I'm not going to
    be impressed).  I'm also expecting someone to point out the irony in
    that this entire email is a complaint (and once again, I won't be

liedra  It's so nice to see how much the world loves each other in peace and
    harmony, flowers, butterflies and bubbles.  With love, peace,
    harmony and bubbles to the world,
/r  Damn hippies.

sj  I don't think Michael has sent anything to any of us that hasn't
    been demeaning or insulting, and I'm expecting a long rant from
    Michael about this too...
mouk    Please, don't waste my time.
sj  no michaels far to mature and above us for that.
mouk    I'm not especially mature; but in comparison to you I'm an absolute
    bloody village elder.

wzdd    Before I go, I'd just like to say that I hate half of you, and I'm
    not going to say which half :)

judd    No... Instead, Language is constantly evolving, and new lexical
    items come into play every day... Also new figures of speech come
    into usage every day... In other words, you say whatever the hell
    you want, and, you can call it a figure of speech if you so
    desire... Who knows? One day, it might become used quite often in
    every day speech...
jamesw  I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'L'.  Long drawn
    out thread aboot some shit that noone cares aboot, while the people
    who discuss it have only half a clue what they're on aboot.
    *Woohoo! Three aboots in one sentence!*

jamie   Phwoar!  Microsoft condoms... For the littl'uns among us (Suzy knows
    who I'm talking aboot :)
shodge  jamie, no-one's sposed to know about that special relationship we
    have had ever since that night when i joined you, danielle and the
    llama. and why the llama got so much more attention.
jamie   Phwoar.  Why do I not remember this night?  Maybe I was drunk. 
    Anyway, I gave my pack of microsofts to Justin... It was no fun
    fucking with my little finger.
shodge  (yes i am living in fantasyland)
jamie   No, you may get lucky some day :)

jamesw  A friend with weed is a friend indeed.
benno   Learn the lyrics ...
    A friend in need is a friend indeed
    A friend with weed is better
    A friend with breasts and all the rest
    A friend <some words which I can't understand>
balial  A friend who's dressed in Leather?

nikola  The Internet should be only used for work and proffesional
    communcation as it was originally intended (computery people feel
    free to correct this statement if it's wrong).
balial  It was started by the american military as a wide area network
    type system across which much data could be stored in many locations and
    in the even of nuclear war, the whole thing could not be brought down
    because it doesn't reside in one central location.
    It was also created so I could write 'cock' and 'sodomy' a lot.
    PS. Cock
    PPS. Sodomy

mrdoobie    Well i haven't sent much dodgy mail recently, so heres one...
        p.s sorry, but i'm bored

        \  ||  /
         \ || /

      PPPP     EEEEEEE   N         N   I       SSS
    PP    PP   E         N         N   I     SS   SS
    P      PP  E         NN        N   I   SS      SS
    P       P  E         N N       N   I  SS
    P     PP   E         N  N      N   I    SS
    P    PP    E         N   N     N   I      SS
    P   PP     E         N    N    N   I        SS
    PPPP       EEEEEE    N     N   N   I          SS
    P          E         N      N  N   I           SS
    P          E         N       N N   I            SS
    P          E         N        NN   I   SS      SS
    P          E         N         N   I    SS   SS
    P          EEEEEEE   N         N   I      SSS
judd    Mr Doobie wrote:
    well said... =)
wzdd    *sigh*. Large penis from Mr. Doobie, small penis from Judd.
    I wish I could think of something cynical to say about that. :)
mouk    Yeh yeh. Everyone keep up the penis humour. It beats meaningful email.
balial  Heheh.. Keep up... heheeh... Beats.

Docvin  Bright light city gonna set my soul,
    It's gonna set my soul on fire.
    Got a whole lot of money that's a-ready to burn,
    So get those stakes up high!
    There's a thousand pretty women, waitin' up there,
    They're all waitin', the devil may care.
    And I'm just a devil with luck to spare, so...

    Beaver's an anus!
    Beaver's an anus!
    Beaver...Beaver's an anus!

    How I wish that there were more than the 24 hours in a day!  Even if
    I ( something something something ), boy, I wouldn't sleep a bit of
    the way!
    Oh, the blackjack and poker and the roulette wheel,
    A fortune money lost on a-every deal,
    All you need is sonar (?) and nerves of steel, so

    Beaver's an anus!
    Beaver's an anus!
    Beaver... Beaver's an anus!

    Beaver's an anus, with the neon lights flashin' and the one-armed
    bandits crashin' All those hopes down the drain...  Beaver's an
    anus, turnin' day into nighttime, turnin' night into daytime, If you
    see it once, you'll never be the same again!

    Gonna keep on runnin', gonna have me some fun,
    If it costs me my very last dime!
    If I wind up b-roke then I'll always remember that...
    I had a swingin' time!
    Ooooh, I'm gonna give it everythin' I got!
    Lady luck's with me, the dice stay hot.
    ( I can't figure out this line )
    So Beaver's an anus!
    Beaver's an anus!
    Beaver.... Beaver's an anus!!!

    ( Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo, Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo )


    ( Dananananananana, danananananananana,  Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo,
    Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo, Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo,
    Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo, Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo,
    Doo-n-Doodoo, doo-N-doodoo dunna nunna NUM! )

    And so forth.

suzy    thanks very much 4 yr helpful discussion aboot philosophy - i just
    handed in my essay. :) you guys were great and due to the fact that
    i ended up plagiarising Richard the most (ie cutting and pasting in
    bits!) i thought i'd use him as a source.  thus my reading list
    includes the course pack, the hsc course and, an R. Schwinger.
ro0sta  I like it! Although the thought of people quoting stuff I wrote
    whilst half asleep is kind of worrying. No blaming me if you do
    badly, though naturally I'll accept all credit if you do well (as
    I'm sure you will). Any offerings of gratitude may be made in the
    form of giant rubber shoes :)

Purity Test: if you get 17 percent or something, you are a slut!!
    (In a nice way) If you get 90 percent, then get a life and go and
    sleep with someone for christ's sake!
Mouk    I know someone who did this and was about 15 percent pure. I have
    not gone within 10 metres of her since hearing about this. :-)
    Michael.  "81 per cent and damn proud of it"
Anthea  Dear me Michael, all that knowledge about the fashinability of coffees 
    and you could only answer yes to 19 questions?  What is wrong with the 
    world today when women don't come flocking to you and rip your clothes 
    off demanding that you talk dirty to them about how Moccas are out and 
    expresso is in.
    I tell you it is all quite beyond me.

sj  Been there. funny funny hahaha.  anyway, I am pleased with my
    perfomance of hacking into Brett Sewell's puta.
jamesw  l00/< 0u7 4 d4 b34v3r, h35 0n d4 w4rp47h.  `//h47 4 h4qr, h3'5 s0
    and you spelled "poota" wrong.

<I then quoted the above in my signature:>
wzdd    >  l00/< 0u7 4 d4 b34v3r, h35 0n d4 w4rp47h.  `//h47 4 h4qr, h3'5 s0
    >  k3`//l.
    > - Jamesw
sj  What the hell does this mean anyway?

Cooties heh heh. Oh well here goes. I was riding my bike home from Jamie's
    house (as you do) when I had my photo taken by a red light camera.
    What makes this funny is that bikes don't have number plates so I am
    completely untraceable :)
/r  Were you wearing your It's A Joke hat?
Cooties but it got the back of my head. I don't think the back of my head is
    too distinctive
jamesw  I'm sure all the blokes here would recognise it :)

judd    *L* I was checking through my folder... Which has a psych report on
    why I couldn't read or write at the age of 6... And I found my first
    personal use of the schwa... Stupid Psychologist didn't realise I
    was spelling my name phonetically! *LOL*
/r  LOL

(how to get pregnant without really trying)
liedra  in my elementary knowledge of the human insides, as far as I can
    tell there is a hell of a lot of extremely strong HCl in the
    stomach, so wouldn't that kill them off pretty quickly?
/r  I dunno.  The alkalinity of semen might do something to protect it? 
    Perhaps some sperm were absorbed into her bloodstream through a cut
    in her mouth?
    The no vagina bit is what baffles me.  How did she menstruate?
wzdd    Terrible!
    Whoops, wrong joke.

liedra  Actually, Cleo supplied me with the knowledge that semen contains
    only two calories (I think it was two - well, a small number
    anyway).  But I suppose it depends on which magazine is the ultimate
    in knowledge...
judd    I guess that'd depend on how much you drank though, or is that the
    measurement for one serving?
jamesw  Doesn't your penis have a table of nutritional information on the
judd    Hmmm... *checks penis for nutritional info thingie* Oh yeah! Hey...!
    It does!
jamesw  Or is that the cheese-stick wrapper from last week?

liedra  *waits for someone to say 'phwoar' and guesses either Jamie, Balial
    or /r will be first...*
benno   phwooooarrr!!!
balial  Now come one... that's just tasteless! And we all know, I don't do
    tasteless material.
    PS. fwoar
jamesw  First comment! :)
liedra  (to benno) Damn you for being first!
    Oh well, I have to award you the official "Phwoar of the Month"
    award, a now monthly prize awarded by me to someone I feel has
    deserved it. Lucky you. Btw, it doesn't mean you get anything but
    the priveledge of being the Phwoarer of the Month. Congratulations,
    Ben :)
    P.S. Sorry, Balial, you'll have to wait till next month :)
Balial  FWOR!

richard (party) There will be a prize for anyone wearing a pirate costume
    on the night.
balial  Does lycra count as a pirate costume??
richard No, no it does not. Anyone wearing lycra will have it removed at the
    door followed by ritualistic scrotum shaving.
balial  So you _do_ still get a prize for wearing lycra then.

danielle *having 2 ovaries & therefore 2 fallopian tubes isn't a ploy to
    reduce chances of pregnancy, it increases it (in case one ovary is
jamesw  Good thing that the sperm has only the Y chromosome, for it is a
    well known fact that the extra 'leg' on the X chromosome causes the
    female of the species to become incredibly indecisive. (For example,
    shoe shopping, clothes shopping, what to eat, where to eat, passing
    off the decision to males: "I don't mind, really.").  Obviously the
    Y chromosome doesn't suffer from this ailment.
    As such, the two fallopian tubes present no problem to the sperm, it
    will make a decision on the spur of the moment and go with it.  Had
    it been the job of the egg to find the sperm, the reproduction of
    the human race would have stopped when Eve's eggs tried to decide
    what shoes would go well with mucous.

1inch   "Hey! he does have a hole in his rear where you can reach inside and
    feel his goosh"
        - Suzy Hodge
jamesw  Ew.

jamesw  I don't know what the problem with loggin in is, i 've mangaed to
    login to my oewn maching, and then log into my other box, and them
    wstart ppp and then login to uni and tne start pine to read ewmail
    and i've done it fiorst go.
    anyawat, hope coote gets hoe alrigh, bastard thinking he can ride
    home to p.hills dfom mrt cola and get there alright, just take it
    easy man.  you not allowed to die.  drinking is good. ska is good. 
    yeah ska is good.  i lioke lag in the session, it makes you look
    even more drnk than you are.
    but i am drunk.
    never buy mezxcal oaxaca (pron whahaka) cos it goes off and tasetes
    shite.  mmmm.... i've jsut walked too lovely ladies home andf they
    re doable.  mmm..
    anyway, seizures all l8r for more drinking and skanking and shit and
    you shou;ld all have gone to bean last night cos they roked and
    susan freek was there and looking for stephj and dave and veronica
    from physics were there and bean ewere ehtere and we wewre there and
    when you re drunk you try to avoid usign the backspace kwy as much
    as possible and yo look really drnk and stuff.  i've noticed i'm
    hittine enter inserd of the apsotrpopphy key and tha was spelt reel
    bad and fuck dyeah, i'm drunken.  mmm.. beer is gfood yeah booer is
    fuck that, o is noehere near e opn the keybopard.
    lets all get drunken soon.

<sodfest mailing list begins around December 22nd, '98. People continue
using huge lists because they all hate it. Justin celebrates Christmas with
image of Santa crapping down chimney.>

jamesw  So, then the competition begins:  Who got the best present?
docvin  I got a towel, which is stripey dark blue and light blue.
    With a label, which says "Wash dark colours separately".
richard I got a sexy pair of bike shorts and a canned wombat.

/r  Why me?
    ---------- Forwarded message ----------
    Date: Wed, 9 Jan 1980 04:38:09 -0500
    From: The Newbanks <>
    To: sasha <>
    Subject: HI SUP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

    HEY GIRL SUP!?!?!?!?!?



    LUV YA!~!!!!!!! 
judd    *LOL* you been cybering again?
Nadia   Why me? *start devo email I got*

    If you are a GUY who is HOT, TICKLISH, and in need
    of new computer and/or audio equipment to help you
    enjoy your passion for the Smashing Pumpkins,
    then this offer *really* may be for you.
    Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 18:05:30 PST

    I am a female college student in Boston Massachusetts who
    is very into tickling guys.  As a hobby -- one that costs
    me ALOT of money -- I maintain the largest personal col-
    lection in the world of "made-just-for-me" amateur videos
    featuring GUYS BEING TIED UP AND TICKLED by a girlfriend,
    good girl friend, girlfriends, or even guy friends.  Most
    of my videos are  60 minutes in length.  I am

wzdd    BTW, who is
pancake basically someone you don't know.

hoju    I have a new car.
    Therefore I also have a larger penis than before.
    On your knees, pagans.
docvin  And with that, Hugh Wilson unsubscribed from 'sodfest'.

jamesw  Poo to chuck for not cumming at the Nothpoint and going to the
    Criket istead, you bastaerd I wanted to go ther...
    anyway, yay yo everyoone wh did go, the last jug hity me just as i
    left the bar.
    Somehow I managed to log in and start up mp3s playing... how i did
    this is beyond me...
    Everyong should go to the glob in newtown to watch the Allnighters,
    Bcky Skank and the Hangovers on friday, and get ticketsd to Reel
    Buig Fish on 30th Feb.  I daid so.
    i'm gunna be wasted topday at werk.

michelle Arachitbuyrophobia - Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of
jamesw  I'm sure this one is just made up.
michelle Actually it isn't. Our lecturer treated someone who had this phobia.
    Apparently it isn't all that rare. Phobias are not that hard to catch.
michelle Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - fear of long words
jamesw  Now they're just taking the piss...
docvin  You left out Anuptaithyphallodextrogenucalignyephobia - the fear of
    staying single because you get an erection every time you see the
    right knee of a beautiful woman.
!!  No, it actually does exist. They weren't taking the piss.
jamesw  No, I think they were.  How can any psychologist make up that name
    and not be laughing their head off.  They were probably awake until
    3 am and very bored after naming all the other phobias.
balial  He's right, you know... how saddistic could you be? If someone has a
    fear of long words, you don't give them a fucken huge word to
    describe it 'coz when asked what their phobia is they will be afraid
    to say it, and then go crazy & turn out like judd.  Anywho, what
    kind of retard is afraid of long words? Unless, of course, they mean
    they are afraid of trying to read/speak them 'coz it could be tough
    for them, butt then that's not a phobia, that's just being a stupid
    dickhead who can't speak.

slashr  DC.P Ahar! P-)
(/r's Pir8 Code)

liedra  "Dammit... pipe to grep chicken leg..."
jamesw  Cate, you're the nerdiest nerd that ever nerded.
balila  Ber, Catie couldn't be a nerd on the nerd-beingest day of her life 
    if she had an electrified nerd being machine.

(/r on his new phone [yes, it's very large])
/r  it is my 100% FREE MOBILE FRIEND, just like the Christian poster up
    on one of the walls at Campus East.  You know, God requires no
    batteries, and no fees. :)

/r  I really wish I could find my photos of Katherine sleeping on a dog. :(
libala  Don't call me that.

/r  Penelly has subscribed to sodfest.  For those of you who don't know
    her, she is this really incredible girl who goes to Sydney uni, whom
    you will no doubt meet soon enough.
    Be nice. :)  If you aren't, then I will arrange for Hunniset to
    break your neck with her thighs.
    And to save Chuck the trouble, there's a really good picture of a
    man sucking his own penis at It is required viewing
    for this list.

mr doobie I have a One-Inch Penis!!!

onelist If you like orange and blue, then you will love our new web site!

(about Nadia's badges with Benno's "get drunk and fall down a lot" quote)
benno   Which ben was that?? I don't remember writing that.. I think it must
    be another ben..
nadia   *rolls eyes*  well, according to this piece of yearbook i have
    infront of me it says "Ben Leslie" and underneath the title of "HSC
    and Beer" it says that quote.  so.  You, my friend, are completely
    dellusional :)
benno   Classy :) I am now definately sure that I don't ever want to read
    the article I wrote :)
nadia   The badges are really cool, aren't they?  Well, come to Zoe's
    partay and you
    can all have one.
    Address:  XX arlington avenue, SOUTH PERTH.

balial  That's not a pirate, that's a man sucking his own cock.

(benno on funny.txt)
benno   Now why do all my quotes always seem to involve alchohol ???

supersuzy   orange and blue suck.

Justin complaining about not being allowed to be mean when Steph joined the

oneinch Cant we be mean to her anyway?
benl    You bastard!! That is the exact line that I just replied with...
boozy   no. it's not allowed. never.
balial  Oh, and why not? Everyone knows that steph (is that short for 
    stephanie? I wonder if she surfs...) was put on this planet with one 
    purpose, and that is to suck my dick.
    Come to think of it (FWOR!) I don't think that there's any other 
    reason that anyone was put on this planet. Oh well, I'm happy :)
boozy   no no no, subtle difference, used the positive can, whereas
    jus used the negative can't. yes, ben is allowed the priviledge of
    being mean - but _no-one_ else.
benl    Yeah.. I get to be mean to Steph.. yeah yeah !!
balial  Fine by me, so long as it doesn't cause her to bite down hard.
/r      Is a negative cant like a penis?
jamesw  Like a penis?
wzdd    No thanks, I'm trying to give them up.
balial  No, thankyou... I already have one.
oneinch Thats gotta be the first time i ever heard charles turn down a penis

(about this time /r started putting "Beefmail 0.37" in his X-mailer field.
 If this means something to you, I felt the time was right to tell everyone
 who handn't noticed yet. :)

benno   errr derrrr!!!!

Me on The Matrix:
wzdd    I fully expected it to be a good movie. It wasn't.
jamesw  You went to a movie based on high technology, created by no less than
    Hollywood themselves, involving a large amount of special effects, and you
    expected a good movie?  <beatnik>The effects ARE the movie, man.  Say no
    to capitalism, man.  Stop the bomb.</beatnik>

    TV sucks.  Read a book.

nadia   Video games have plots dammit.  Or is some smarmy git going to say
    "they're not plots, they are story lines on which to base a game
jamesw  Doom, you are a space marine who likes to kill shit.  Quake, you are
    a guy who likes to kill shit.  Quake II and III, see above.  Half
    Life, you are a guy who kills shit with the help of scientists
    (okay, this one really does have a plot, not a just a background
    story).  Streetfighter, you are a guy who beats others up.  Mortal
    Kombat, you kill other guys.  Time Crisis, you shoot baddies, and
    they die.  Point Blank, you kill miscellaneous animals.  Rayden
    Fighters, you fly around and shoot the infinite baddies.  Dangerous
    Dave II, you kill zombies, goblins, etc.  Diablo, you go around and
    kill shit.  Carmageddon I and II, you are in a car, and kill.  Worms
    I and II: You kill other worms.  Civilisation: you kill off the
    other races so that you win.  y0.bas: you look out for pothole or
    you get killed. porn.bas: better call a painter, d00d.

jamesw  Who wants to start the worlds first OSS movie script?  We brainstorm
    a plot, then make the script available via cvs and ftp, and then
    people send in patches and we approve of the best ones, and make a
    kick ass movie.
wzdd    Sounds classy to me :-) Only trouble is that some people'd like some
    patches more than others and our scriptbase would split and we'd end
    up with 6 almost-identical but rival movies :)
balial  And hollywood would prevail because, hey, they make make movies that
    suck, butt they beat the shit out of any crap you could make :)
wzdd    Rubbish. OSS movies'd run twice as fast as conventional MicroFilm
    (tm), have the latest plot bugfixes in cinemas everywhere in a
    matter of hours, and be championed by zealots with long beards. You
    wouldn't have to pay anything to see them but you could buy version
    on video tape for several hundred dollars yet still be allowed to
    make as many copies as you like. Actors would hang around on standby
    in case you decided you wanted to change ab it of it, and all you'd
    have to do is learn to direct.

    And even if you didn't like it as much as a normal film, hey, at
    least it's not Hollywood.

Hugh re-joins sodfest...
docvin  Oh, crappy email... how I have missed you...

docvin's signature  Im Himmel gibt es kein Bier.
    Das ist, warum wir es hier trinken.
    Und wenn wir von hier gegangen werden,
    werden alle unsere Freunde das ganzes Bier trinken.
ICQ Tech Support    Thank you for taking the time to write us.  We could
    not quite understand your problem.  Please write back specifying
    your problem in English, and we will do our best to help.

(the Romans must have had a word for "nothing")...
marauder    which they did, nullus. it was just never thought of in a
    numerical sense and didn't have a symbol.
jamesw  So they'd write nullus by not writing anything.  How metaphysical.
    "Caecilius has bananas".
balial  "Caecilius has bananas today".

wzdd    it could be that aversion to violence in some men was in some
    circumstances just as beneficial as a love of violence. Or that
    aversion to violence was a side-effect of some other genetically
    beneficial trait. But your argument seems to rule these
    possibilities out, leaving three: it's not a genetic trait, your
    logic is wrong, or both.
balial  yes, I am wrong 'coz you fail to realise the one big factor, in
    genetic mutations and natural selection <note, before you get
    offended, this paragraph is just being a dick & I don't mean it>.
    You are a mutant, a freak of nature, for example that doesn't enjoy
    violence like that, who know's why it is, just happened at the
    moment of conception, kinda the same as I have such a big cock.
wzdd    I forgot to mention shagging their wives / de factos / girlfriends /
    boyfriends / children rotten on the couch before bedtime.
balial  Speaking of shagging children, anthea's cool call was that in the
    future I'll be telling my children that I fucked their mother.

jamesw  You are never too old to fuck... well, men aren't.  Psych said so. 
liedra  Yeah, but I bet your Psych lecturer is male.
    And uses Viagra.
    And has a red sports car.
    And wears a gold chain around his neck with the rumpled white collared
    shirt open far enough that you can see his rather thick chest hair. And
    wears elvis-like glasses. And uses that oily stuff to slick down his
balial  So you've met him?

judd    1xYellow Shirt
    1xYellow Shirt Jersey
    2xAnti VSU T-shirts
    1xOral Blitz T-shirt
    1xPsychsoc T-shirt
    1xContact T-shirt
    All of the above cost me a lot less than $30... =)
balial  and it shows.
hoju    Maybe he should have bought some pants as well then.

juva    Nadia's Beefmail Bitchiness Diagnosis:  Unable to diagnose time of the
    month.  Seems a continual state of mind.

wzdd    I admire its sleek curves, its strong, masculine
    feel, and because its blades have got little wires over them which
    make it almost impossible for me to cut myself.
justin  <insert> Ber those fuckin wires mean it shaves about one poofteenth of the
    hairs and is useless </insert>
wzdd    Well, I used a Gilette, but the inch-long razor kept going flaccid and
    slipping out of my hand.

sj  Well I'd love to go, really i would. 
    BUTT, I am working. I wasn't originally, but a shift became available,
    and I need money to save up for something.
    something big.
    and shiny.
    with lots of lights.
wzdd    You idiot, spaceships aren't even real.
sj  Damn.  So how did they get to the moon?  just put a guy in a big
    rubber band, cut the rope and then say, "shit, did we point it the
    right way?"
wzdd    Ber, they faked it all. Just got some grains of sand to represent
    the moon rocks and drew the background on paper, then filmed it to
    make it look bigger.

    Took them ages to find the tiny astronauts, though.