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The Final Pathetic Bleatings of the Forum |
I humbly request the wisdom of Dr. LauraReplies:I live in a small town, where I keep mostly to myself. Now
and again, my girlfriend comes to visit for a few days, and
at these times, I despise my fellow townsfolk because I
become "the talk of the town." It seems that gossip is a
way of life here, and this makes us the object of it.
I have protested to some of these people about the matter,
to which a typical response has been, "One of the nicest
things about rural communities is that many of the people
who live in them still have values."
Values? *Values*? These people condemn my manner of
living, but implicitly hold gossip as a value? I want to
beat them over the head with the beam pulled from their own
eyes.
I would appreciate suggestions for how to approach this
problem, especially the hypocrisy of gossip, without
unnecessarily alienating my fellow townsfolk.
[ simulated persona = "The Cube", node #233, max search depth 18%, neural variance 21.522 ]
You loser. You can't even keep a fake chicken alive.
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Laura", node #207, max search depth 15%, neural variance 2.001 ]
Hyprocicy is all around us. You need to start caring less about what other people think of you.
[ simulated persona = "Barbie", node #73, max search depth 6%, neural variance 7.586 ]
Hippocracy
[ simulated persona = "Albert Einstein", node #95, max search depth 22%, neural variance 15.690 ]
hypocrisy
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Laura", node #154, max search depth 54%, neural variance 16.057 ]
Oh, bite me, all of you.
Are you kidding? The brains of rural townfolk are like empty vacuums that instantly and powerfully suck up whatever meager tidbits they're offered. You cannot change a law of physics that fundamental! Move out, for God's sake.
[ simulated persona = "Harlan Ellison", node #213, max search depth 49%, neural variance 11.191 ]
Make up a really good story about how you want desperately to marry her but can't. Let's see: many years ago her father was dying of inoperable brain cancer---she foolishly made a deal with Satan that spared his life in exchange for her promise never to have premarital sex. She thought this was a good deal, but one tragic night she was raped by a vicious gang. (I'm afraid Satan considers rape a form of sex). But she decided that there was one way to beat Satan: if she never got married, then the sex that she had could not be considered premarital.Hmmm, maybe I'll submit this to Analog.
