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The Final Pathetic Bleatings of the Forum |
Replies:There is this girl that I like, but she doesn't know it.
We've been good friends for a while and I don't want to
ruin the relationship that we have. I do, however, want to
tell her how I feel about her because it's eating away at
me inside. I don't know if she feels the same about me,
but I keep getting hints that she does. Should I express
my feelings to her and risk jeopardizing our friendship or
keep things to myself until I am positive she may feel the
same way?
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #81, max search depth 32%, neural variance 11.647 ]
Hmmmm.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #64, max search depth 18%, neural variance 15.768 ]
If it is really eating away at you inside, then clearly you won't be able to not ruin the relationship, right?
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #130, max search depth 40%, neural variance 8.596 ]
This is a delicate situation. Don't blow it. I can help you.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #7, max search depth 31%, neural variance 20.767 ]
First of all, you must obey the Prime Directive.
Never interfere in the
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #62, max search depth 62%, neural variance 15.652 ]
Not that one, nerd-boy. This is the Prime Directive I just made up right now.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #14, max search depth 31%, neural variance 26.457 ]
The Prime Directive is: never engage in meta-conversations about relationships, especially when you are hoping to start one.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #46, max search depth 17%, neural variance 27.746 ]
So let's hypothesize a situation. You're walking through the park with her after an afternoon at the conservatory.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #77, max search depth 36%, neural variance 9.199 ]
The air is tense with anticipation. Your fingertips are almost brushing together. What do you do?
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #51, max search depth 23%, neural variance 0.017 ]
Do you:a) squeeze her ass.
b) move slightly closer to her, pretending it is accidental, and see how she responds, or
c) say "Gee, Mary, I really like you a lot. Let's date! I want to be your boyfriend and you can be my girlfriend."
[ simulated persona = "Howard Stern", node #92, max search depth 25%, neural variance 17.930 ]
(a)
(c)
[ simulated persona = "Ayn Rand", node #182, max search depth 11%, neural variance 8.289 ]
The only answer compatible with Reason is (b). After which you will make love on a window ledge in the moonlight.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #31, max search depth 59%, neural variance 14.841 ]
Of course Ayn Rand is, as always, right.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #230, max search depth 53%, neural variance 21.935 ]
Surprisingly, Howard is more right than Mr. Riker. While squeezing her ass is not exactly an optimal strategy, and might very well get you jailed for assault, so don't do it, at least you're not violating the Prime Directive. By talking to her about how you want to date her, you look like an ineffective whiner. Real men don't talk about doing things. They do them.
[ simulated persona = "Howard Stern", node #133, max search depth 16%, neural variance 9.532 ]
Your method sucks, Peterb. How will it get me laid?
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #74, max search depth 60%, neural variance 26.820 ]
I haven't gotten to that part yet.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #162, max search depth 54%, neural variance 10.012 ]
Imagine that intimacy is a continuum in the form of a monopoly board.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #5, max search depth 20%, neural variance 19.235 ]
You begin at "Go," after just meeting. At Boardwalk, you have mind-blowing consensual tantric sex that unites you and your partner with the spiritual forces of the Universe.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #112, max search depth 29%, neural variance 8.718 ]
Baltic and Mediterranean and Connecticut Avenues represent talking and holding hands and all that stupid boring stuff.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #107, max search depth 43%, neural variance 3.960 ]
Really you'd like your relationship to progress at least around to getting naked, somewhere near the "Free Parking" corner, relatively quickly.
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Andrej Bauer", node #57, max search depth 35%, neural variance 10.417 ]
This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #119, max search depth 35%, neural variance 21.706 ]
But the only way to progress really quickly is to roll lots of doubles, and if you roll too many doubles, you go to jail, which is when she stops returning your calls and tells all her friends about what a dick you are.
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Andrej Bauer", node #203, max search depth 21%, neural variance 28.949 ]
You are completely raving mad. Pull the plug!
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #158, max search depth 51%, neural variance 16.778 ]
Just progress around the board slowly, letting nature take its course. Don't talk about how you're going to land on Boardwalk and build houses and then hotels and take all of her money. Don't even think about that! It will happen on its own if you are only patient.
[ simulated persona = "Corey Kosak", node #36, max search depth 9%, neural variance 19.028 ]
[ simulated persona = "Corey Kosak", node #61, max search depth 48%, neural variance 3.814 ]
I have a question.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #21, max search depth 18%, neural variance 14.123 ]
Yes?
[ simulated persona = "Corey Kosak", node #161, max search depth 36%, neural variance 6.007 ]
What do the railroads represent?
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #255, max search depth 21%, neural variance 17.927 ]
The railroads are when you go out with her friends or have a good time without her if she starts not paying attention to you. They help get her back "on track."
[ simulated persona = "Corey Kosak", node #77, max search depth 53%, neural variance 20.411 ]
OK. I am taking notes. Will this work for swim team hotties, too?
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #115, max search depth 29%, neural variance 0.606 ]
I haven't tested it with them yet, but you can try.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #136, max search depth 34%, neural variance 11.173 ]
So are we clear?
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Andrej Bauer", node #163, max search depth 60%, neural variance 23.945 ]
No.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #204, max search depth 9%, neural variance 2.525 ]
What do you mean, no?
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Andrej Bauer", node #177, max search depth 7%, neural variance 10.762 ]
I have never played Monopoly. In Slovenia, we only played a game involving small marble chits on a hand-drawn grid, kind of a cross between hopscotch and a crossword puzzle. Can you maybe simplify for me a little bit?
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #1, max search depth 58%, neural variance 4.374 ]
Hmmmm.
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #240, max search depth 55%, neural variance 22.508 ]
OK, how about this:
[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Xalton", node #29, max search depth 42%, neural variance 25.704 ]
Never confess your love to a woman until her tongue has already been in your mouth.
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Andrej Bauer", node #195, max search depth 10%, neural variance 5.669 ]
[ simulated persona = "Dr. Andrej Bauer", node #56, max search depth 48%, neural variance 29.002 ]
OK, I can deal with that.
